all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
