i permit you to call me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
