Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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