Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
