she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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