Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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