True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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