I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
