remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
