don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
