Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
