i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
