this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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