Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
