sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
