3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
