Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.

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(514): View more from Quebec

i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"

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(315): View more from New York

The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months

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(216): View more from Ohio

She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.

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(847): View more from Illinois

there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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(+61): View more from Australia

You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.

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(916): View more from California

In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?

(1-916): View more from California

Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious

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(205): View more from Alabama

I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Ride him like a Zamboni

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