the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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