Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were trust falling into bushes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
