I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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