So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
