Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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