Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
