Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
