Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
