either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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