the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
