opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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