all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
