That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
