i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize