Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
