We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
