I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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