Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
