Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just google imaged poop.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
