There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
