Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
