her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
