We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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