Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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