I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
