Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I understand Curling. That high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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