She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
