babies were throwing up all over the place
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
