i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
