Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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