I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
