Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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