who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
