I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I need to stop coming to work sober
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
