u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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