so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
