I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
