Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
