oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
