Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so let's talk penis.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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