So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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