My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
