i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
