Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
