Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
