I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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