everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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