Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize