How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
