My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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