ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
