The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
