i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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