the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
