You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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