I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
