her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
