she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
