Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
