I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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