I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
